Musings

Half a Hand

2010-10-15T06:40:00.001-07:00

I was having a bit of a rough day yesterday for some reason. My roommate was, as well. It's like we were both just upset and cranky, but couldn't pinpoint why or even exactly what was wrong. We both just felt a bit "off." So after trying all morning to get out of my little slump, I finally went to my roommate and asked if we could pray together.

While she prayed, I felt like God said to me, "You are complete in me." That really hit home for me. All my life, I have battled these feelings of "not enough." Not...pretty enough, successful enough, ambitious enough, smart enough, mature enough, educated enough, servant-hearted enough...on and on. These insecurities have joined with my perfectionist tendencies to make me constantly striving and putting pressure on myself to excel, so that I can feel OK, and "enough." So God telling me that I am complete and whole in Him really relieved a lot of pressure. It's like He was telling me that with Him I'm already enough and I don't need to be constantly striving and straining to earn the acceptance and approval of Him, others...or even myself.

As I was discussing this with my roommate after we finished praying, I began to understand it in the context of the Church as Christ's Body, with each of us having a different part. I saw that if I am the "hand" in the Body of Christ, then by myself, I am actually only half a hand. And half a hand can't really do very much. Only in and with Christ, who completes me, am I a whole hand! However, even a whole hand by itself still can't really do too much! It would just lay there, limp, lifeless, and completely useless! But the hand attached to the wrist and the arm, with a body and legs and a brain and all the other thousands of parts...now we're getting somewhere! Even a whole hand must have all the other parts of the Body to be able to function as designed.

You know, the world often encourages us to go it alone. That's part of the American Dream, isn't it? That anything is possible if we just try hard enough, pull ourselves up by our bootstraps...while initiative, perseverance, and hard-work are all good qualities we should seek to live out, I think we often have way too much of an individualistic, lone-ranger worldview. We put pressure on ourselves to be able to do it all on our own and prize not needing help from anyone!

What a relief to know that we are not created to do life alone! In fact, God has set things up to where we can only be all He has created us to be through depending on Him and others. Only plugged into the Vine, and connected with and serving alongside other Believers, can I be all I am meant to be.

Blessings

2010-10-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

I've been involved in a mission training program all weekend called Community Health Evangelism (CHE). The learning has been great, and the fellowship even better. It has been indescribably wonderful to be around a group of like-minded Believers all weekend studying missions and the Word!

Also, it seems that one of the women in the group may be able and willing to help me debrief my experiences in Africa. I still need that, desperately, really. There are still a lot of questions and pain inside me over the things I learned and saw. I actually just began praying a few weeks ago for God to bring a mentor into my life...perhaps this is a very quick answer to prayer! I hope so!

Another missionary couple I know is in from out of town this week. I knew Laura when she went to school here, then she moved away to attend Bible school; she also got married not too long ago. Now she and her husband are preparing to serve overseas. We got together last night and it was such a tremendous blessing. We talked about missions for forever, and then we ended up at Borders where she asked me to tell her about the hard things that happened overseas. The next hour or so was teary for both of us. But such a huge blessing. She is only the second person whom I have told my whole story to since returning from overseas. I am thankful for the gifts Laura gave me last night: the gifts of listening, being present, empathy, understanding, and compassion.

Thank you, Lord, for your goodness and blessings in my life!

God encounters and great chats with fellow missionaries about rugby fashion (short shorts and high socks), biltong, and why he didn't learn Afrikaans!

2010-10-08T22:28:00.000-07:00

So I forgot to tell you all that last weekend I had another incredible "God encounter." For about 6 months now, I have had a series of crazy reunions and encounters, all of them overtly related to missions. I'm talking incredible encounters, the ones you KNOW are God-ordained. Like reuniting in my hometown with a girl I had befriended in South Africa but had not been connected to in the States...like a Jamaican woman whose husband I knew coming into the store where I work and us just "happening" to figure out that we had all these connections...on and on. I have told people for 6 months that I feel like God is stalking me and that I'm not sure what He wants! Well, it happened again this weekend! And the funny thing is, just a week or so before that, I had just thought to myself, "Well, maybe it's over...I haven't had any of those mission encounters for awhile, so maybe that has passed." Notttttt so much...

I went to visit my dear friend in Jasper over the weekend. I don't go there often - too lazy to make the drive, I suppose, or we are both just too busy to make it happen. Anyway, Sunday morning we went to her sister and brother-in-law's church about 1/2 hour away in a very small town called French Lick. Honestly, I wasn't that excited to be going...I was tired and not expecting much out of the very small gathering of Believers.

We were a little late to church, and therefore walked quite swiftly into the church. As we entered the foyer, I stopped abrubtly. There was a table and a display set up that my mind recognized as probably from a missionary. My mind was desperately trying to piece together if indeed it was a missionary's display and, if so, where they were serving. Cassie said, "Oh, I totally forgot. There are missoinaries speaking today. My sister told me not to miss it!" As soon as she said that, my eyes finally focused on the giant South African flag draped over the front of the table. I started crying.

The man, Scott, was a missionary kid in South Africa for 4 years, and he and his wife and two boys are fundraising to move there as career missionaries. Even though he doesn't speak Afrikaans, which was disappionting, we did share some great comraderie over rugby and biltong.

The whole day, I couldn't get it out of my head what an obvious "non-coincidence" this was, for me to be on one of my just-a-few-times-a-year visits to Cassie, and visiting a tiny church in a tiny town I've only been to one time before, and it just so happens that there are missionaries there from SA. Ok, God, you have my attention again...what are you trying to tell me???

Training and Healing

2010-10-08T22:12:00.000-07:00

Today was the first of four days of training in Community Health Evangelism (CHE). It's a program that teaches holistic health for communities - physical, spiritual, emotional, mental. It has been a HUGE blessing already...the training has been stellar, and the fellowship even better!!! I cannot begin to describe the encouragement of being around other like-minded Believers with a heart for the nations. At the end of one of our breaks, our trainer, Jinna, commented that she had just been talking to one of the other ladies about prostitution, polygamy, and some other unusual topic I can't remember! I just chuckled and thought to myself, "These are my people!" Not your ordinary, everyday conversation for most people...but definitely normal topics for overseas workers! I love it!

Doing this training is another huge step in the right direction for me. God heals me more and more as I take baby steps forward. It's a positive cycle...I am able to move forward because He is healing me, and He continues to heal me as I move forward. Praise God. I have been amazed lately at how gentle He is being with me during this time of healing. He has been so, SO gentle and patient with me...He is so good, so loving, so kind.

Unspeakable Evil

2010-10-01T22:02:00.000-07:00

I love writing. But sometimes I am very, very hesitant to share my writing with others. Because writing for me is like sharing the depths of my soul with strangers, not knowing if they will understand my sentiments, agree with my opinions, or even care about the thing that concern me! :) Basically, I don't share what I write because I care too much what other people think about me!

But regarding Africa, there is another reason that I haven't wanted to share my thoughts with you: it is because my heart was pierced in Africa with knowledge and understanding of some evil and suffering that for me were, for some time, literally unspeakable.

I will never forget the first day I broke my silence about one of the horrible things I had experienced. I had been back in the States for less than a year and it was around Christmas time, or possibly shortly thereafter. I had begun working in management at a store in the mall a few months earlier, and the culture shock was outrageous. To simply return to the States from living in Africa was shocking enough; but then to work in retail at Christmas...completely overwhelming doesn't even begin to describe it. For weeks, maybe months, every time I totaled someone's purchase, outwardly I smiled and told them their total, but inwardly, my heart was hurting, broken, and confused as I quickly calculated how many starving children that $50 purchase could feed, and for how long. Though I was living, working, and seemingly functioning normally in America, Africa still filled my heart and thoughts, and it haunted me.

I remember exactly what I was wearing, and where I was standing, when I finally let it out. I had just come into work and the backroom was bustling as usual with people clocking in and out, eating lunch, getting stock. My good friend Stephanie was sitting at the desk clocking out, and she greeted me as I walked in and asked me how I was doing. I think I said something to the extent of "OK...hanging in there," all the while trying to avoid her gaze. One glance at my face told her I was anything but OK. "What's wrong?" she asked. I folded my arms tightly over my chest, as if that could keep the pain inside. Leaning against the nearby shelving, my gaze dropped to the floor and huge tears slowly began to roll down my cheeks. I barely contained my sobs as the words - and the pain - finally seeped out. "They're starving to death, Stephanie. The kids are starving to death." I literally whispered the words. I think I believed that keeping it nearly silent would somehow make it less of a reality. "I know," Stephanie said, "I know."

That marked the first day I spoke of meeting the starving children who had just been rescued from the bush in Uganda...now, another year-and-a-half later, I finally have enough courage to share this with you. It still hurts me, but not in the raw, grief-stricken way it once did. And I am finally beginning to see the loving hand of our Father God in the midst of this situation, our Daddy who sent people to rescue these children from certain death in the bush.

God has brought a lot of healing and truth and perspective this past year. After a very dark period of confusion, anger, and doubt, I have once again come back to a trust in our Heavenly Daddy. I trust that He's in control. I trust that His heart is good. And I trust His decisions, even when I don't understand, at all. And even when it means little babies and children die a horrible, painful death, because they don't have enough food to eat. I am also coming to trust that He let me meet those children - and let me experience so many other heartbreaking things - for a reason...although I have no idea yet what that reason is! Therefore, my telling their story here is a step of faith...a step of faith towards active trust and belief that he let me be a witness because someone needed to hear their story. Perhaps that someone is even you...

Courage to write again

2010-10-01T21:39:00.001-07:00

Well, I haven't blogged in a long, long time...going on two years to be exact!!! To be completely honest, I stopped blogging because I didn't know what to say about Africa. I wanted to forget...I wanted to forget all I'd seen and learned. For two years now, just thinking about Africa has made me want to curl into a tiny ball on the floor and sob. But God has been at work, healing and comforting and changing that dark curtain of confusion and pain and anger into light and hope and trust.

A brief recap: For those of you who don't know me, or who have just recently met me, I spent the majority of my time from 2005 - 2008 in Jamaica and South Africa doing mission work. I was in a lot of places and met a ton of people during that time...and therefore had my eyes opened to many, many things. *Deep breath...continue.* I saw a lot of things overseas that literally wounded my soul - a deep, gaping wound. I was exposed to so many evil, evil things that caused a lot of people immense suffering and even death. I have always been a very sensitive, empathetic person. And seeing the people around me hurting and dying hurt me. Very, very deeply. And it shattered the God and the faith I had known. For my understanding of God pre-Africa was not big enough to handle and explain all that I saw in Africa.

I arrived home April 22, 2008, a day I will never, ever forget. It's a kind of anniversary for me. Honestly, the thought that surfaced the first Sunday I was home, as I was driving to church and saw a dear family I know on the highway, was, "I didn't think I'd make it home alive." But I did, and I have stories to tell. My story, yes, but even more so their story, the people I met along the way who changed my life. And, woven throughout our stories is HIS story...of redemption and goodness and mercy and love.

Life a Mist

2009-02-25T13:37:00.000-08:00

You guys, I am in such a state of unrest. All I think about all day every day, is missions, and my calling. What am I called to do? I came home in April with the thought of being done with living overseas; I wanted to get involved in ministry similar to what I was doing overseas, but here in the States. Honestly, the reasons I want to live in the States descend from decent to overtly selfish: to be close to family and friends – my network of friendship and support – and to be COMFORTABLE. Perhaps this is a shock to you, but ice cold showers at 7 AM (or anytime of the morning or night, for that matter!), and going without running water and electricity, even for brief periods of time, do not increase one’s level of comfort! And I wanted stability…I was tired of the constant moving, changing relationships, etc. So, I have come home, am enjoying being close to friends and family, and my flesh is much more comfortable here than overseas. But meanwhile, my soul grows more restless and discontent every day. For awhile now, I have been telling myself, “You just need to give yourself more time to adjust to being back. Just give it more time.” But it seems that the longer I stay, the more restless I grow, because the things that used to matter to me hardly matter anymore. I feel like there is a passion and a message and a calling exploding inside of me... a cry that there is so much more I – we - need to live for.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend who is preparing to move with her husband and two young children to a small town in Uganda. I was explaining my restlessness and discontent, and my wrestling and questions regarding missions and my calling. I said, “I keep trying to forget about all this, to just leave it all behind and pretend like it never happened so I can be ‘normal’ again…but it’s not working (I hear some of you laughing already…I concede…I have probably always been a handful of fries short of being a normal Happy Meal). Missions and ministry and poverty and orphans and the suffering – and how the Body is supposed to respond to these people and issues - are still all I think about, all I want to talk about.” She quietly replied, “Leah, it’s a gift.” “What if it’s a gift I don’t want?!?” I wailed. “It’s so hard, there’s so much sacrifice, it stretches the crap outta me!!!!! But it’s the only place I have found true life,” I continued more quietly, “the place where I grew into an intimacy with the living Christ that I wouldn’t give up for the world.” Following God overseas was where the following Scripture went from words on a page to life-giving reality for me:

“If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul?”

For me, it has been in the most scary and difficult decisions to follow God’s call, whether that was to North Park to school, or overseas again and again, that I have lost my life…and found it. How, having tasted the sweetness of intimacy with the Risen Christ, can I now turn my back and walk away from wherever else He calls me?

I saw a picture in my mind a few weeks ago of Jesus hanging on the cross and me on my face before Him. He asked me, “Where would you not go for me? What will you not give up for me?” In light of all He has given, daily gives, and will give in the future – His ALL - how can I give Him anything less than all my life, my time, my money, my resources, my possessions, my desires, my dreams, my comforts, my securities? Paul was right, my friends, it’s all rubbish…trash, dung, pointless, worth absolutely NOTHING, compared to knowing him, the TRUE life he gives, the joy, freedom, comfort, and companionship he brings. All these things on earth that we strive and strain to acquire and achieve, and then worry and fret over – IT’S ALL GOING TO BURN!!!!!!!!!!! What a beautiful, FREEING thought - that it’s ALL going to burn one day soon!!!! Woo-hoo, what FREEDOM!!!!!! So in light of this, why are we living for that stuff now, anyway?!?

I have been realizing again lately how quickly time is just FLYING by…according to Scripture, our lives are a vapor, a mist; we are here today and gone tomorrow. So the burning question inside of me is, “How am I going to spend this short time I have been given??? How am I going to use my “mist”?? I am realizing that every single one of us will work our butts off for something, give our lives to some cause, because that is how we are made…we are made to give our lives to something. So what cause are you giving your life to? Achievement? Skinniness and appearance? A growing bank account? Bigger, newer cars and houses? Other’s approval? Making yourself as happy and entertained and comfortable as possible? What are you living for? What am I living for? Am I going to work my butt of and give my life for things with only earthly value, or am I going to give up earthly “treasures” for heavenly ones?

So lately, scared of the answer, I have been asking in the quietest whisper possible, “Lord, what is your calling for me for this season of my life?” But I think I already know the answer. My heart is yelling and crying out what my mind is scared to hear. My calling is to go to the nations and tell them the hope of Jesus; to sit with the poor and the suffering, knowing I cannot heal their hearts or solve their hunger; to continue to allow my heart to be broken for the things that break His heart, though that means pain for me; to continue to have my eyes opened to the one-third of our world that is starving, the vast numbers of unemployed, the millions upon millions of children without mothers and fathers; and the billions who are dead while they live because they don’t have an intimate relationship with the living Christ. What is my response to be to this? Yours? What is our response supposed to be as the Body, as Jesus with skin on, to this world full of broken, lonely, hurting, oppressed, starving, confused, lied to captives? What are we doing to be intentional about feeding, loving, serving, walking alongside, healing, breaking free? Not that it’s you or me, but it is the living Christ, the God of the whole universe, who lives INSIDE you and inside me, and who works through our mouths, our words, our hands, and our feet. This is what I am desperately seeking from the Lord: “Lord, what do you want my response to be??”

Reverse culture shock at its finest!

2009-02-12T21:23:00.000-08:00

So i have decided that i need to start blogging more again. Thanks, Amanda K., for inspiring me. :)

Shortly after Christmas, i was hit with what i guess has been another wave of reverse culture shock. I have spent several weeks just randomly feeling overwhelmed with emotion regarding Africa...it was bad...some days I would literally wake up and just start sobbing. I read an article about a soldier who was having flashbacks of his time in Iraq and I felt like the same thing was happening to me regarding this last trip to Africa. I think there were things that had just literally broken my heart, especially seeing the children who were starving - and the memories of some of these things were kind of haunting me. I have spent a lot of time the past few weeks doing the only thing I know to do when my heart is breaking...cry out to Jesus. I also spent some solid time studying the Word to see what God's heart is regarding poverty, violence, the poor, etc. Slowly, God is healing my heart and bringing a peace back to my soul. I am realizing it is all about trust...trusting that His heart is good, and that He is in control of every situation, no matter what it may seem like. I will never, ever, ever forget those starving kids, but i have to realize that God hasn't forgotten them either, and that, just as i have to trust that he won't give me more than i can handle, i have to trust him that he won't give them more than they can handle, either.

It dawned on me recently that since returning to the US in April, I have been almost completely silent about Africa. I haven't talked much about it to most people (but the few of you I have dumped on every now and again have gotten an earfull!). I think I was just so overwhelmed by everything i experienced this last trip, and so busy with finding a job and moving and trying to settle back into life here, that it seemed easier to just try to pretend like "it" had never happened - "it" being all the things i experienced overseas and the tremendous ways those experiences have changed me.

God changed me SO much during my time away that I no longer know myself in my American environment. In other words, many of my relationships and ways of being here in the US that used to feel comfortable and good now feel uncomfortable and wrong. There has been a huge shifting of values in many areas of my life, and i have not yet figured out how to live by those values within this culture. It has been a messy journey, at times, to say the least. I apoligize if this is unclear; i am finding it very difficult to explain this transition back to American culture. Perhaps i can equate it to moving away from your family for the first time, and the vastly new perspective you gain from doing so. You know, all those realizations you have, both positive and negative. "So not everyone's family handles conflict like we did?!?" "So not everyone has a great relationship with their siblings??" The way your family did things seemed pretty normal to you growing up because it was all you knew; you thought everyone's family must be such-and-such a way. But once you got OUTSIDE the situation, things began to look very different; you gained clarity, objectivity. Same for me in going overseas, except it wasn't my family that i left and gained perspective about, it was my CULTURE, our culture, the American ways of doing things and ways of being that used to seem normal because they were all i knew. But after leaving, many things no longer seem normal, because I am no longer "normal"....pieces of the people i have met and the other cultures i have encountered have impacted and therefore become a part of me. Now i realize that after time, many of these things will somewhat fade into the background; but right now, it is all fresh and raw and in the forefront of my mind and actions.

Summer News

2008-08-23T07:31:00.000-07:00

Hello, Friends!
I hope you have had a great summer. Just wanted to quickly update you on life post-Africa.

America : Adjusting back to life in the States has been a day-by-day process. When I first got home in late April, I went through a lot of culture shock, probably due to the foreign culture and intense experiences I had in Uganda . I am still very much in the process of readjusting to being home, but slowly, little-by-little, life here in the States is starting to feel somewhat normal again.

Summertime: I spent the summer working at Camp Brosend, a Christian residential camp. I was a counselor for a different age group each week, living on campus Sun - Fri. every week. Needless to say, it was exhausting, but very worthwhile as the Lord did a lot in the children’s lives.

On the Move: Well, dad finally decided to become a Kentuckian after all these years! He moved to Hawesville in July and I am now renting a room in my brother and sister-in-law’s basement (Daniel and Joni), just down the street from where I lived with dad.

Job: I started a new job at Life Choices Maternity and Youth Home a few weeks ago. It’s a residential home in Evansville for pregnant, parenting, homeless, and probationary teenage girls. It can be very intense at times, but so far it’s been manageable. Pray for me to love the girls as He would, and for healing, wholeness, and truth for their lives.

The Future: I have no plans at this point to return overseas. The past years of missions work have changed my life in unexplainable ways and I don’t regret one minute of it; however, I feel a great desire and a peace to be here in the States right now.

Please pray with me about what direction to go from here. Please pray that the Lord will give me clarity, purpose, and direction, and that I will be surrendered and faithful to whatever He has for me.

I love you all and would love to hear what is going on in your lives!

Safe in Him

2008-07-21T12:12:00.000-07:00

As I have been reflecting over this last trip to Africa (Feb. – April), I am overwhelmed at Christ’s faithfulness as my best friend, my comfort, my protector, the One who sustains me in every area of my life.

I am stretched tremendously every time I am overseas; this time I was especially challenged in the area of physical safety. There was constantly some kind of threat…fighting and murders in the township next door, flooding and robbers at our base and across the street, rumors of war in nearby Zimbabwe, and a near collision in Uganda by our intoxicated driver.

To be honest, when I first got home, I felt overwhelmed, confused, and angry about why God had allowed me to be exposed to these dangerous, stressful situations. A few months (and lots of journaling and prayer) later, I see how these experiences have grown me in knowing Jesus as my Refuge and my Protector. I am much more aware now on an everyday basis of the Lord’s hand of protection on my life, and believe in a deeper way than ever before that absolutely nothing bad will happen to me except that which has been sifted through His loving hand. Knowing this, I can continue to go forward with courage and confidence in Christ wherever He calls me, whether here or abroad.

Two amazing passages seem to perfectly sum up this most recent trip to Africa. The first is Isaiah 43:

“But now, this is what the Lord says – he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior…’”

The second passage is Psalm 91:
“You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday. A thousand may fall at your side, then thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you…If you make the Most High your dwelling – even the Lord who is my refuge – then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.”

I praise you, Lord, for your amazing protection and provision in my life. You are worthy of all of my praise. Thank you for your incredible grace and blessings that I have done nothing to earn. You are my daddy, my love, my best friend, my everything. I would be lost without you.

Not Forgotten

2008-07-21T11:40:00.000-07:00

One of my most poignant memories from my two weeks serving at Good Shepherd’s Fold Orphanage in Uganda involves a beautiful worship song called “He Knows My Name.” You may be familiar with it; I had heard the song many times before myself, but never before had it sounded as beautiful as it did that night in the chapel on the hill…

Most every night of the week, except during exam weeks when they are busy with their studies, a group of youth gather in the chapel for devotions. Around nightfall, under a canopy of twinkling stars, the children begin their slow saunter from their identical brick houses where they live with 9 “siblings” and a house mom. Down the winding dirt road that meanders through middle of the compound; past the huge maintenance barn; past the new school that’s under construction; past the long building that is divided into a clinic on one end and the directors’ offices on the other; up the flower-lined path into the airy chapel.

The children trickle in at a very leisurely pace; the first few to arrive arrange a tight square of pews at the back of the chapel near the heavy wooden doors. A few of the older children enter with droopy-eyed toddlers on their hips who have no doubt refused to be parted with their older “siblings” this particular evening.

After a few minutes of low-key talking and laughter, some of the youth drag over several large wooden drums from various corners of the room, and, as they begin to methodically pound out a rhythm, the group’s chatter quickly dies down. Hands flying over the drums, eyes closed, faces upturned, they begin to sing:

He knows my name

(Yes, he does)

He knows my every thought

(And he sees)

He sees each tear that falls

And hears me when I call

(He knows my name)

The chorus rolls forth over and over and over again in typical African style, their vulnerability and strength converging into a melody so sweet I can taste it. And every evening, I sit on the hard wooden pew, the fresh night breeze drifing across my face, and fight back tears.

These children have suffered so much in their short lives: HIV and AIDS; wars and famine; abandonment, neglect, and abuse; the deaths of mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters. Displaced and alone in the world, yet somehow with hope still alive in their hearts.

Just a small group of orphans in nowhere, Uganda, convinced that no matter how things may look, their Abba daddy in heaven has not forgotten their name.

Letting it all out

2008-04-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

Solomon, Good Shepherd's Fold Orphanage, Uganda

Godfrey with Auntie Rose, his house mother

Learning to walk!

Often after I get back to the States from overseas, I stop writing updates and stop blogging because “the trip” is over. But I am beginning to realize that in reality, the experience is far from over when I get home; in fact, a phase of it is just beginning: processing and assimilating the things I have seen, the people I have met, and the experiences I have had. Often, my periods of time overseas are quite the whirlwind, and it’s only after arriving home and getting rested up a bit that I feel safe enough to let my guard down and begin to process the experience.

On that note, I have been struggling a lot the past few days with feeling completely overwhelmed both by my experiences overseas and with being home. I experienced such a completely different world in Africa this time that the contrast of that world and this world I find myself in here at home is shocking. Coming from things like fighting and danger and crime and AIDS - and consequently feeling vulnerable/scared/stressed on a daily basis - to calm and quiet and people mowing their lawns and cooking dinner here in Indiana is proving to be quite the adjustment, to say the least.

These last two months in South Africa and Uganda were in many ways the craziest period of time I have experienced overseas, and I think it’s just going to take me awhile to process through it all. It was just one thing after another…but the redeeming factor in the mess is that the Lord kept me and sustained me and upheld me through it all.
Overall, this trip had a cold-bucket-of-water-to-the-face effect on me concerning some of Africa’s issues, especially HIV. There are so many things that you can read about and understand in your head, but you don’t truly understand the impact of these things on people’s lives until you SEE and EXPERIENCE them firsthand. Here are some of the things that I am now struggling to process:

AIDS: of course I have been aware of how huge an issue AIDS is in Africa – who isn’t? - and I have seen some evidence of the impact of AIDS during my time there, but it has never hit me so hard as when I was at Good Shepherd’s Fold in Uganda. There were a couple of little babies, Godfrey, 9 mos., and Solomon, 2 years (see pictures above), that I got pretty close to because I spent a lot of time at their houses talking with their house moms. Solomon is a little shy at first but warms up quickly and is a very quiet, easy-going little fellow. Godfrey is just learning to walk and apparently sticking his tongue out helps him to concentrate, as he does it often! These little guys just look like your typical bouncy, adorable, healthy little babies. Anyway, one evening, the couple who run the clinic came to talk to these babies’ house moms – it was time to take them to get tested for HIV. I cannot tell you the shock and fear that I felt. I knew that there was already a house full of HIV positive children living at the orphanage, but Godfrey and Solomon looked so healthy and normal - and the reality of the HIV pandemic so far outside my frame of reference – that the threat of HIV for these little babies had never even crossed my mind.

The next morning the bus, already filled with 8 or 10 older children, came to take little Solomon and Godfrey to town to get tested. I will never forget those several tense days of waiting for the results, and our immense relief that this time, everyone’s results were negative (because they are so young, they will have to continue to be tested as they get older). Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lord, that this time the results were good. The hard part is realizing what a terrible situation AIDS is in Uganda - and through many parts of Africa - that it is a normal part of daily life to be tested for this disease, men, women, children, and even babies.

Since I began reading about Africa in my preparation to go to Jeffrey’s Bay, I have been aware of a plethora of myths in Africa related to HIV. One of the strongest and most widely-spread of these myths, which is promoted by local “traditional healers” (ie witch doctors), is that sex with a virgin can cure you of HIV/AIDS. However, until recently, I had no idea how this myth often plays out in reality: the raping of babies and small children. I remembered during our time in Jeffreys Bay hearing about a 2-month-old baby being raped in a nearby township, but at that time didn’t understand that the incident was probably connected to this horrific lie. 2-months-old. Raped. I feel so overwhelmed at this…how do I even begin to process such an unspeakable evil? I hate Satan so much. People need Jesus - The Truth - desperately. “You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free…”

Please continue to pray for me as I process these and other experiences, and as I continue adjusting to being back in the States. Thank you so very much...God bless.

Uganda!

2008-04-23T13:54:00.000-07:00

A rural school (not abandoned, though it looks it...it's currently in use)

Fruit on heads and babies on backs!

A common site alongside the road...cattle, chicken, goats

Man transporting bamboo...they can carry ANYTHING on a bicycle or scooter!

People from surrounding villages wait to receive free medical attention at GSF's clinic

Window shopping Uganda style!

Fred stirring a massive pot of Pocho, a cornmeal porridge that the locals eat daily

A shantytown on the banks of the Nile

A truck of fresh tea leaves, one of Uganda's biggest exports

Local children

Painting Conversations

2008-04-23T12:11:00.001-07:00

Before...

April 8, 2008

God is so good!!! I started a project yesterday…painting a huge, metal storage container (it’s probably 9 ft. x 25 ft.). I prepped it and started painting it yesterday, but it was rather lonely working by myself for so many hours (the guest house is quite secluded at the far end of the compound). But today, the Lord sent me some help in the form of a young man named Moses. He is a former resident of GSF and is working for them for awhile until he goes to university. I cannot tell you what a great conversation we had while painting. The question that kick-started it all was, “Why do missionaries come and you get close to them and they promise they will write, and you hear from them for a little while but then all of a sudden you never hear from them again?” The next few hours I learned SO much from Moses about the things we missionary Mzungus (White people) do and say that are interpreted differently or taken more literally/seriously than how we meant it to be taken. And most of all I was reminded how vulnerable these children are. For us, we go on short-term mission trips with the understanding that we will give these children 150% - love, time, energy, attention, gifts - for the week or ten days we are there, and then we will return to our lives in America, maybe keep in touch with a few people for awhile until we get too busy to write letters anymore and the intense emotion of the trip fades. We generally see the trip – and the relationships - as short-term. Talking to Moses today helped me to see that because of these children’s vulnerability - and their desperation for love, family, acceptance, a mother and father – our actions and words can be much weightier to them than we realize. When we come to these vulnerable children and start singling out certain ones and giving them special love and attention, and slipping them candy, we may have no idea how attached they are getting to us, because there is such a deep need for love and affection. When they begin to see that we have a special attachment to them, they can’t help but begin to hope that you might be their forever family. Or at least that you will be apart of their lives from here on out. And then, to make things worse, we often tell these children we will write, we will come back to see them, we will stay in touch, all to ease the pain of goodbyes. But still, in our minds, these are not forever relationships…but because of their vulnerability and our well-intended-but-careless words, these are forever relationships to these children. They have no family, so it makes sense that they would become emotionally attached to these nice foreigners who come into their lives and give the individual love and attention they so desperately crave.

The whole conversation just reminded me how careful we missionaries need to be about saying things we can’t follow through on…even simple things like “I’ll write to you!” are taken literally - and as promises - by these children. And the disappointment and devastation they suffer if these “promises” are not followed through with can be quite tremendous.

After...

On monkeys and stir-fry

2008-04-23T12:10:00.000-07:00

View from the guesthouse veranda

I am staying in the guest house, which has the best view ever from the veranda: lush green valley bordered by a lush tropical forest which leads to lush rolling hills. Overall, it’s all pretty lush and green, in case you missed that part. Oh, and there are monkeys regularly jumping through the trees. Pretty sweet. Except they won’t let you get close enough for a decent picture, although I have tried several times. Stubborn monkeys.

Over the weekend, I taught two different groups of children how to make stir-fry! They eat a pretty unvaried diet of local food, so most of them had never tried Chinese food before, or even heard of soy sauce for that matter! The younger group embraced the experience with gusto, devouring every last bit of food until their tummies were quite round! The older group seemed to enjoy themselves, as well, though in a calmer, more reserved kind of way. Both groups are game for “round two,” so we are thinking of doing crepes with different sweet and savory fillings for our next class…we’ll see what we decide on!

Nora and Rita chopping veggies

Bethany

Oh, culture shock!

2008-04-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

On first impressions of Uganda, I was surprised to find that the landscape is quite tropical, to the extent that it reminds me somewhat of Jamaica. There have been a lot of other things here that remind me of Jamaica, as well; I find it odd that Uganda reminds me more of Jamaica than of the other African countries I’ve been to. Also, there seem to be fewer safety concerns here compared to South Africa, which has been a breath of fresh air.

The new school that is under construction at GSF.

Nurse Stina examining a village child in GSF's clinic

I have been experiencing culture shock off-and-on since I arrived at GSF. Because it has been quite awhile since I have been to a new country, I had forgotten how difficult and disorienting culture shock can be. It is a completely new culture, new language (I keep wanting to speak Afrikaans, the language I am learning in SA, to the locals here!), literally hundreds of new faces…and then of course there’s adjusting to a new schedule (or lack thereof!), trying to find my place here, and figuring out how I can contribute to the people around me. The combination of some or all of these factors has seemed completely overwhelming at times. Thankfully, though, the Lord helps me day-by-day to adjust and find my footing; some of the missionaries here (there are only a handful) have “taken me under their wings,” which has helped tremendously as well.

On a brighter note, out of all the children’s homes I’ve worked in, GSF seems to be the healthiest one by far. There are over 100 children here, many of whom came to the orphanage as babies, often extremely undernourished and/or ill. Ten children of varying ages but the same gender live in a home together with a house mom (whom they call “Aunties”). Each Auntie basically runs her home like any normal home; she cooks and cleans and does the laundry (or delegates these tasks). Each child has chores and the older kids help out a lot with the younger ones. There is at least one special-needs child in most of the houses, as well. The thing that has struck me is how well-adjusted, happy, and not-institutionalized the children seem. There isn’t the constant fighting and violence and abuse I have seen in other homes, either. All-in-all, it has been such an encouragement to see that an orphanage can be a healthy, loving alternative for children without a traditional family.

Gloria and Joyce

Chad and Joffrey outside their house (children live in groups of ten with a house mom)

Making bracelets

"Baby Rose" - all the kids wash their own uniforms after school, even the little ones!

The girls eating their poscho and beans, the daily fare

Getting there!

2008-04-23T12:05:00.000-07:00

April 7, 2008

Hello, friends!

What an adventure I had in getting here to Good Shepherd’s Fold Orphanage in Uganda! The last and largest of the hurdles was arriving at the airport in Johannesburg only to find at the check-in counter that my name was not in the system and that my ticket had been cancelled due to lack of an authorization document that was supposed to have been faxed to the airline. With just over an hour until boarding time, I spent an urgent hour running around the airport trying to get the original ticket authorized (including a 5AM wake-up call to my mission leader’s wife Brooke, who then called her husband Daryn who was leading a trip in Jamaica – sorry…love you guys). Obstacle after obstacle came up, from people directing me to an internet cafe that had moved locations to a pay phone that worked for one phone call and was suddenly out of order for the next call, etc, etc. At one point, with the frustration building and time running out, I wanted to just sit down and cry and forget it all. But I kept thinking how the previous day in our morning prayers at Alabanza, we had read a ton of Scripture and had a long discussion about endurance and perseverance. I figured these obstacles were just Satan trying to keep me from doing what the Lord wanted me to do, and I didn’t want to give him the victory by giving up. Anyway, I eventually just purchased a new ticket (with a promise that I could get the original ticket refunded), and even made it to the gate with a little time to spare. I just praise the Lord that He worked everything out.

After that, everything went smoothly and God even provided a nice Christian girl my age to talk to during the flight.

Praises and prayers!

2008-03-29T01:29:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to quickly let you all know how the Lord is providing for the Zimbabwean immigrants who were staying at Alabanza. Three out of the last group that were staying here are on their way back to Zim for a few weeks until hopefully things calm down here and they can return to SA to continue looking for work to support themselves and their families back in Zimbabwe. However, the Lord is faithful through it all. He provided transport for the three to be able to return home, as well as some clothing and bedding as their homes were burned and all they have here are the clothes on their backs. It's a sad, horrible situation, but I praise the Lord that He is still in control and is perfectly faithful even in the midst of such tragedy. The half dozen others are now being sheltered at another local ministry. As I talked with the Zimbabweans over the past few days, I was sad to learn that most of the people we were housing at the base had only been in SA for a few months. I cannot imagine leaving the crisis in their own country only to come here and have this kind of thing happen after just a few months of being here.

Another really sad thing was the 15-year-old boy, Sam, who was the youngest immigrant staying at the base. He came alone, without any family, to try to find work. I couldn't really talk much to him because he didn't know much English, but I couldn't get over the sadness and fear and distress in his eyes. I can only imagine what he has seen and what desperate circumstances force a 15-year-old child to move alone to another country to look for work. I said to the adults there, "He is so young. Are there many young ones like this who come to look for work?"
"Yes, he is still a child" they agreed, "He should be in school. But there are many young ones like him who come trying to find work to help their families."

Last we heard, an estimated 8,000 immigrants (these immigrants are both legal and illegal) have already fled from Atteridgeville. The fighting has been going on for over two weeks now. A few days ago, we heard that they were planning some big "town" meetings to once again discuss the issues. Please continue to pray...only the Lord can bring peace to this situation.

Requesting prayer for Uganda outreach

2008-03-25T04:18:00.000-07:00

The Lord worked things out for me to go to the Good Shepherd’s Fold Orphanage in Uganda for two weeks. I will be there March 31 – April 14. I covet your prayer covering. Please especially pray against attacks of fear…I often get hit really hard with a ton of fear before things like this. I love you all and will update again as soon as I can!

Lots of news!

2008-03-25T04:16:00.000-07:00

March 24, 2008

Good news! Things have finally gotten somewhat back to "normal" here on the base. We have had electricity again for several days, PRAISE JESUS!! A few days ago, the rain finally stopped and the ground and houses are mostly dried out again. The weather has warmed back up as well after a few really frigid days. Phew. It was a mess around here for awhile.

Please continue to pray for peace in Atteridgeville. I just heard that several of our friends from there are coming to sleep here at the base again tonight for safety. From what we understand, things have calmed down in some areas where the authorities have removed the immigrants to a different location, but the fighting and killing is still raging in other areas of the township. Please continue to pray for Him to bring forgiveness, peace, and reconciliation to that situation.

Another huge praise: I was unexpectedly able to get away for the weekend for some much-needed rest. My friend Mariana’s aunt and uncle asked her to house-sit in Pretoria for the weekend and she asked me to go along. I cannot even explain what a blessing it was to have some time away to rest and spend some time with the Lord. Something I struggle a lot with is keeping work and rest balanced, especially when I am overseas. This is an area the Lord has been working with me on for quite some time now, but this past week shows I have a lot more learning and growing to do. I suppose some people struggle with laziness or with not taking initiative to do things they know need to be done…I’m on the opposite – and just as unhealthy - end of that: I take too much responsibility upon myself - often when it’s not even asked or expected of me – and then end up working myself into exhaustion. Time and time again over the last few years, I have worked myself into a state of burn-out without even realizing what is happening until I’m already there and it’s too late to prevent the crash. I’m so sick of this pattern in my life. It’s SO unhealthy. With all the stressors and craziness here at the base the past few weeks, I once again allowed myself to get caught up in "doing, doing, doing" and was on the verge of a complete crash. Even after Mariana and I left the base to rest and house-sit this weekend, I still struggled to break out of this pattern of hyper-activity. I had no responsibilities and there were no expectations on me to do anything, yet I still struggled to stop doing and rest. I had to literally make myself sit still and not clean and tidy the house, go somewhere, find something – anything - to do! I just praise the Lord that He slowed me down and opened my eyes before it got worse. I’ve been praying a lot about this issue over the weekend and am asking the Lord to renew my mind and help me not to operate out of people-pleasing or other sinful patterns. I am praying for freedom and growth in this area, and wisdom to start recognizing sooner when I am getting caught up in too much doing so that I can slow down and rest before I hit – or even get close to - burnout.

Another huge blessing this weekend was getting to see my friends Sam and Kevin, a South African couple I became friends with last summer in Jamaica. God used them to minister to me and encourage me time after time during some really low points in Jamaica last summer. It was wonderful to reconnect with them and to get to visit with them in their home country!

Love you guys!

Unexpected Reunion

2008-03-13T07:12:00.000-07:00

Hello, everyone! The First Year Missionary students who were doing their training at Alabanza last time I was here are living and ministering in Swaziland this semester, but were back at Alabanza Thursday – Monday to rest and spend time with the Lord. I didn't know when we parted ways last time that I would see them again...what a blessing from Jesus!

I was so encouraged by this group of amazing women, I suppose because I see myself in so many of them. So many were broken and weak, the same way I feel, and struggling with some of the same things I am dealing with: struggling to surrender control of their lives to the Lord when it means giving up your dreams and desires; wondering if the Lord is using you at all during the times when you are struggling to persevere and don’t see much fruit; how to emotionally handle the suffering you see every day like hunger and sickness and people dying and children being molested and raped and abused. Yet in the midst of all their brokenness and tiredness and questioning, I saw the Lord shining SO brightly through them, and I know it is because they are surrendered to Him. I smelled the fragrance of their crushed and surrendered lives and know deep down that the Lord is using them in bigger ways than they’ll ever realize. As they shared with me the highs and lows of life and ministry in Swazi, I was so proud of them for their perseverance in serving the Lord even when it’s hard, and I was filled with excitement for the ways I know the Lord is using these young, inexperienced, broken women as His hands and feet and fragrance to a hurting world.

Birthday Blessings!

2008-03-13T07:09:00.000-07:00

I wanted to quickly share how tremendously God blessed me on my birthday last week. As most of you probably know by now, I struggle a lot with homesickness at different times when I am overseas; it can be especially hard on holidays, my birthday, etc. The weekend before my birthday, a group of parents whose children are away on a year-long outreach came to Alabanza for a few days to pray for their children who are overseas, and also to support one another. Many of the parents shared how hard it was to trust the Lord to take care of their kids while they were gone and also how much they missed their children. On Sunday during church, I was feeling so homesick and still somewhat overwhelmed at adjusting to being back in Africa. I didn’t really want to share it with the group because I knew I’d cry and who wants to cry in front of strangers – but I felt compelled to share and so I did (and yes I cried…a lot). The mothers surrounded me and prayed for me, which was a huge blessing. After church a few of the parents and I chatted for awhile and it came up in conversation that my birthday was coming up soon.

Early Wednesday morning, the Alabanza team surprised me with a birthday breakfast party. That blessed me a lot. Then they sent me into town for a surprise pedicure, my first ever! Just when I thought I couldn’t feel any more blessed and special, Mariet texted me to come back to the base quickly because I had guests. Driving back, I was totally stumped as to who could be waiting for me. When I got back to Alabanza, Henk and Delina, a couple that I had met over the weekend, were waiting for me. They had remembered that it was my birthday and had driven 30 or 45 minutes across town to surprise me with cheesecake and flowers and chocolates and gifts. As you can imagine, I was completely overwhelmed that this couple would spend all that money and effort and time on me, nearly a complete stranger. It was like a clear message from God saying, “See, my child, I’m going to take care of you no matter where you are. I have not forgotten about you; in fact, I love you so much that I’ll even send strangers to you in South Africa to show you that.” This was a beautiful, personal reminder that we really can have a huge impact on other’s lives, one by one, by simply reaching out as His hands and feet and heart wherever we are.

Thanks also to those who were able to call on my birthday - it meant a ton to me to hear your voices!

random...

2008-02-15T12:18:00.001-08:00

Just random information that intrigued me: the country of South Africa is slightly larger than Texas, New Mexico, and Oklahoma combined! I knew it was big!

Am preparing to leave and getting more excited to see everyone at Alabanza and get back into life there. God has been so faithful in preparing my heart. Thank you for your prayers as I continue to prepare physically, emotionally and spiritually to head out again...love you all!

Yet More Pictures (in case you haven't seen enough already!)

2008-02-02T08:01:00.000-08:00

Staying dry and enjoying a few rounds of "golf" in the coffee shop!

Veli, son of Luiza, one of the Alabanza staff - what a cutie pie!

Michelle, an FYM

Some FYM's on dinner duty - feeding a crew of 50 every day is no easy task!

Some friends from J-Bay showed up at Alabanza unexpectedly one night...what an awesome surprise!

Cassie choosing a "Question of the Day" winner in the coffee shop!

Coffee shop beverages (prices in Rand, not US!). The exchange rate from Rand to US usually hovers around 6-or-7:1

FYM's showing some South African team spirit (go Springboks!)

Joanna, Cassie, and Mariet celebrating Mariet's birthday

Stunning SA sunsets (We enjoyed many of these!)

Oooooohhhhhhh...Aaaaaahhhhhhhh...

The small town of Ifafi (about a 10-minute drive from the base) is where we use the internet cafe, buy groceries, and run our errands. We only drive into Pretoria if we can't find it in Ifafi!
Driving in SA is a fun challenge for me as they drive on the opposite side of the road and most of the vehicles are stick shift. Vrrrmmm, VVVRRRRRMMMMM!!!!!!!!

South Africans LOVE their Rugby (might I call it an obsession?)

Facebook | My Photos - South Africa round two!!

2008-01-29T13:59:00.000-08:00

Click on the link below if you'd like to see more photos from my time at Alabanza!

Facebook My Photos - South Africa round two!!

A smattering of photos

2008-01-22T08:52:00.000-08:00

This is the new coffee shop at Alabanza that Jo and I helped run. I did a LOT of baking while I was there...shortbread, apple muffins, brownies, chocolate peanut butter sandwiches (the all-time favorite)...all calorie-free, of course! :) Mmm, MMM!!!!

This is the cabin where Jo and I lived, which we affectionaltely referred to as "El cabino." We had some great talks and some unforgettably fun times in our cabin playing cards, fighting off bugs, and debating important issues like whether to walk up to the bathroom to brush our teeth or just use our Nalgenes and spit out the door!

Although there are two regular houses on the base, most of the missionaries who live at Alabanza (and the teams that come through) stay in cabins similar to our beloved el cabino.

Jo and I spent an off day at Seaview Lion Park, a small local game park, where Jo fell absolutely and irrevocably in love with the resident giraffe. Exactly how many pictures Jo took that day, no one knows...but it was a TON!

Jo, my Alabanza sidekick

This is Josephine and her adorable granddaughter Lee Ann, whom I visited during my time in Jeffreys Bay in early November. One of Josephine's older granddaughters, Jasmine, came regularly to the Joshua Project last year. I have a lot of respect for Josephine, a strong Christian woman who is doing a great job with the grandchildren she is helping to raise.

Home at last!

2007-12-16T14:38:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to tell you all that I made it back safely, Praise the Lord. I am still quite exhausted and disoriented, but am SO VERY GLAD TO BE HOME!!! Overall, I had a wonderful experience at Alabanza Mission Base in Pretoria, South Africa; I will write more about that soon!

Coming home soon...

2007-12-06T01:14:00.000-08:00

Hi friends. I am excited to return to the States soon. Things are slightly quieter on the base right now as there are no teams at the moment; however, the First Year Missionary teams return on the 10th. Over the weekend, Alabanza hosted a camp for a children's home called Thembisa. I really connected with two women, Isabel, 18, and Fungeli, 41, who have the most heartbreaking stories I've ever heard. Please pray for them, for the Lord to continue to heal them and give them HOPE.

Can't wait to see you soon...

On the Run!

2007-11-26T01:35:00.000-08:00

Just have time for a quick update! Things have been going well lately; just extremely busy the past few weeks with a ton of teams coming in and out at Alabanza. Thanksgiving was good...had turkey and all the fixin's. Am getting really excited to come home (the countdown has begun!) Jo and I are actually in Swaziland right now for a few days. We came yesterday and will be here 'til Thursday. Jo is visiting all the friends and kids she knows from last year and I am along for the ride. It is beautiful here...I have fallen in love with Swazi already and it's only been one day! I am really hoping to go to the hospital in Mbabane where they have a ward of abandoned babies. I am out of time...hopefully I can write more soon!

tears and revelations

2007-11-09T12:48:00.000-08:00

Today, I was reminded how beautiful brokenness and vulnerability are. All week, I’ve been trying to track down my friend Ilze. We had met towards the end of our time in Jeffreys, when several ministries in town came together for Beat the Drum, a community AIDS awareness initiative. We only had time to get together for coffee once before I left Jeffreys, but during that conversation we talked openly as if we had known one another for years. We didn’t maintain contact after I left in May. When I caught up with her tonight, it was, as she put it, "a divine appointment."

We poured out our hearts to each other about the ups and downs of the last six months. We shared our faith struggles and feeling like we don’t even hit the faith-of-a-mustard-seed mark. We talked about watching others acquire things we desire (jobs, money, nice cars, homes, spouses, children), and the ensuing struggle to “be content in all circumstances.” She shared of financial difficulties and her struggle to trust the Lord in that area, about the deep loneliness she often feels, and of pressure from friends and family to conform to a more “normal” life (i.e. not a missionary). I shared how weak I feel for trembling with fear and doubt every time I follow the Lord into the unknown, despite the fact that He's always been faithful. We talked about the discouragement of feeling like we’ve completely failed at certain things the Lord has placed before us, and doubting that we’ve got what it takes to walk this path the Lord has us on.

Surprisingly, though, in the very midst of our confessions, fears, tears, and brokeness, the Lord's Light and Truth somehow pierced our hearts. When she spoke about the failure she felt regarding her leadership role during Beat the Drum, I shared with her how much I had seen Christ shine through her during that week through her compassion, her humility, and her willingness to step up and serve in an area that was obviously overwhelming and uncomfortable for her. When I talked about the temptations of material things and a more “normal” life, she spoke of Paul – shipwrecked, persecuted, beaten, jailed Paul - learning to be content in every circumstance…and my heart was reminded that whatever the situation, in God's strength I can be content and at peace.

My experience in J-Bay this week also came spilling out, how I came back with few expectations, unsure if the kids would even remember me. Perhaps six months is a long time to be gone in a little one's mind, I had thought to myself.

I couldn’t keep back the tears as I recounted going to the door of the Joshua Project and seeing one of my kids through the gate. Not feeling well, she was sitting on the floor, a volunteer looking after her. She looked up weakly, quietly saying my name. I was surpriesd that she remembered me without effort. After talking to her for a few moments, I followed the noise on down the hall to a room where the rest of the girls were coloring. As I stood in the doorway with a huge grin on my face, my name slowly rippled around the room. As the shock of seeing me wore off, girls ran from all around the room and threw their arms around my neck, laughing and chattering excitedly.

As I shared all this with my friend Ilze, tears running down my cheeks, I had a realization: that love needs no words. Despite not being able to speak the kids’ language, they got it…they got that we LOVED them, and hopefully through that they got a glimpse that CHRIST loves them.

I also remembered how, towards the end of our time in J-Bay and often since then, in my doubt and discouragement I have questioned my (our) ministry efforts: “what are we doing here? are we doing more harm than good? are we making any kind of impact at all, or is this all for nothing, wasted effort?” One time I had voiced my discouraged questions to our South African friend Jakkie and he had quickly and almost-sharply told me to never doubt that God had used us in Jeffreys. He spoke from his heart.

This few days in Jeffreys has been a huge and greatly needed encouragement to my heart to keep pressing on in this path God has called me on.

My Kiddos!!!!!

2007-11-08T05:06:00.000-08:00

Hi, everyone. I am having a great time in Jeffreys Bay. It has been absolutely WONDERFUL to see my kids at the Joshua Project again; I almost cried when they remembered my name and hit me with a giant group hug. I have been hanging out at the Joshua Project every day I've been here...I love those kids so much.

It's been a much more emotional visit than I expected; everything here triggers memories, many of them intense. The Lord did so many deep things in my life during my time here. It's strange being here without my team, as well; we became so close and came to depend on each other so very much over the course of our 9 months together. Another very strange thing is that this time around, I am a "free woman", ie not in the program...it's kind of messing with my mind. :) :) :)

Being with my kids again has made me realize how deeply I care about them. I have been overjoyed to see them again, and also torn up inside knowing that I'll be leaving again soon. It's another of those times when I have to trust people whom I care about deeply into the Lord's hands, trusting Him to take care of them. He is the Good Shepherd, not I. :)

I am so deeply grateful for this opportunity - Thank you, Christ, for abundantly blessing me by allowing me to see these beautiful friends and children again.

Prayer requests

2007-11-01T04:40:00.000-07:00

Hi, friends. Just wanted to let you all know that I am doing well in Him...God is SO good, in all situations and circumstances. I also wanted to ask for special prayers for safety. There has been a lot happening around us lately. I know God has His hand of protection on us...please pray for His protection to continue to cover us and for us to make wise decisions.

Also, two friends and I leave for J-Bay on Tuesday, Nov. 6. We will be there for a few days, then head to Cape Town for a few days before returning to Alabanza. I am super-excited to see all my kids and friends in Jeffreys Bay...I absolutely cannot wait! Please pray also for safety during these travels. I love you all very much!

What we take for granted

2007-11-01T04:09:00.003-07:00

I had an mind-blowing experience yesterday at the little Chinese restaurant in town. It's just a little hole-in-the-wall shop, with a few small tables and chairs for patrons. As there aren't many Chinese in the small town of Ifafi, I was curious to talk to the cashier, a Chinese girl about my age. I asked her the basic get-to-know-you questions and found out that her English name is Jesse and that she speaks Mandarin. She came to SA 4 years ago for the purpose of improving her English and has no family or friends here. Of course, she returned some questions as well. It was quite an ordinary conversation until she posed the question "What are you doing here?" I answered that we are missionaries, motioning to myself and the two others with me. I could tell she didn't know what that meant, so I said, "We are here to tell people about Jesus." She still looked confused, so I said, "Have you heard of Him?" She shook her head no and I said, "He came down from heaven to save us from our sins." She still looked very blank. I said, "You have never heard of Jesus?" She again shook her head no. At that point, my friends walked up to the two of us and the conversation changed direction. Honestly, I think my mind was in a slight state of shock at that point, never before having been in that kind of conversation where someone hasn't heard the name of Jesus. I can't get her and that conversation out of my mind. I know there are people all over the world who have never heard the name of Jesus but my mind still has a hard time wrapping itself around that fact. Could this young Asian woman in a small town in South Africa be one of those who has never heard the Good News?

Jesus, please give me an opportunity and the courage and the words to share with her your love story! Please, please be praying for Jesse. I love you all...thanks so much for your faithful love, prayers, and support.

God is so good!

2007-10-22T05:30:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to say hi and give a quick update. So I thought I was coming here to help with cooking, but it turns out they had a bigger need for someone to run the new coffee shop on the base. So my roommate Joanna (who was also in the FYM program last year) and I have basically been running the shop. She does most of the admin stuff and bookkeeping, and I do the baking and keep things stocked, and then we both work the shop. It's been a big responsibility at times but I really enjoy it, and am glad that we are able to take that responsibility off the Alabanza staff.

As far as me personally, God is doing a lot of stuff inside me, as He usually does when He gets me away from home. I don't even know how to explain it all right now. I just feel like He's stripping me down, which is really painful right now. There are some things clinched tightly in my hands that He's asking me to give up, and it's stretching me like crazy. So it's been hard, off and on, but I know that the Lord's way is the best...it's just getting my heart into that place called "surrender" that my flesh fights against so much.

A huge praise: God has blessed me with community here SO quickly. I have multiple people here whom i can talk/pray with at any time...what a HUGE answer to prayer!

God has also been teaching me a lot more about my identity in Him. That's been SO, SO tremendously good. More truth, more healing...God is so amazing! I love you all and miss you a lot! I will write more soon!

Just some thoughts

2007-10-05T01:41:00.001-07:00

Well, my first day full day in South Africa I am enjoying the spring/summer weather and the beautiful flowers and trees blooming everywhere. It gets quite cold at night but is very warm (but not too humid) during the day. There are frogs everywhere on the base, which have been scaring me a bit as I don't expect them in the dark...I'm sure I'll get used to them. I am trying to recall my Afrikaans and learning some new phrases already, as well. I am glad that I have gotten to communicate with you all so quickly after arriving here!

The First Year Missionaries (FYMs) are in Swaziland right now, so the base is quiet. They'll all be back Monday, though. There are about 80 people living on the base right now, when everyone is here - quite a crew, huh?!? As far as I know, it's mostly Americans and both White and Black South Africans. I'll let you all know my address and phone when I find out what they are! I love you all a lot! Love, Leah

Back to Alabanza...

2007-10-05T01:21:00.000-07:00

Hello, Friends! I have arrived safely in South Africa. Thanks for all of your prayers for safe travel, and praise to God...it was actually one of the best travel days I've ever had! Thank you, Jesus! I didn't have any delays at all (I've ALWAYS had delays when traveling internationally) and the long part of the flight actually went by really quickly! :) Praise you, Lord, for your blessings in my life.

Speaking of blessings, I am trying to count them as I adjust once again to new relationships and new surroundings. I keep thinking about our "ice breaker" question at my CASA Bible study last week, "If you had to give up one luxury, what would it be?" Well, right now I'm feeling like "POOF! It's all gone"...TV, car, telephone, safety to go places alone, independence, on and on. Right now I am using an outdoor shower/toilet - kind of a glorified outhouse - which I think is my biggest adjustment so far. I never realized how much I use a sink every day until I have to walk a ways to get to one. But then when I want to start complaining, or even just start to get a bad attitude inside, I remember that just down the road there is a township where people wish they had a sink and shower and toilet 15 yards away that they COULD walk to...they would rejoice over that, because most of them bathe out of a bucket with water they've carried from a spicket who-know-how-far-away. I am so blessed, even now, with my glorified outhouse (I should be thankful that I can call it "glorified" and not just plain "outhouse," huh?) Anyway, please pray for God to give me a flexible spirit and good attitude as I adjust to a much different lifestyle than I was living 24 hrs. ago. Pray that I will count my blessings (as they are tremendous and many) and remember those who have lived so much worse than I am every day of their lives, and continue to do so as I type. I love you all and very much covet your prayers! Have a great day!

From a song I've never heard

2007-09-28T13:20:00.000-07:00

I just really like these lyrics (from "Slipping Through My Fist" by David Wilcox):

I have drifted down a ways along the shoreline,
I just watched these ropes give way
where they were tied.
I could have reached out quick when the ropes first
slipped, if I had tried,
but I was wondering where the wind was trying to take me
overnight, if I never did resist, and
what strange breezes make a sailor want to
let it come to this,
with lines untied, slipping through my fist.

2007-09-18T08:42:00.000-07:00

Hello, Friends!

I am doing well and staying busy preparing to head back to Africa in a few weeks. This time at home has been a TREMENDOUS blessing and a much-needed time of rest...God is so good and faithful. Please pray for me as I prepare to leave, that He would bring in the finances, work out all the other details, and continue to prepare me spiritually, physically, and emotionally to leave again.

Much love,

Leah

Support Letter Update!

2007-09-18T08:37:00.000-07:00

“I tell you the truth,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the Gospel will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age (homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields - and with them, persecutions) and in the age to come, eternal life.” ~Mark 10:29, 30

Dear Friends, Family, and Faithful Supporters –

This past year working in missions has had an abundance of both joys and challenges, but most importantly, it has been full of the Lord’s power, healing, and grace. I read a book recently in which the author asks, “What are the 3 most important events in your life and what have you learned from them?” The decision to go to Africa a year ago has proven to be one of those top 3 events in my life; I am so extremely grateful to the Lord for all of the healing He brought to my life and to my relationship with Him during those 9 months. His goodness and faithfulness leads me to once again step out in obedience and faith…

Where: Alabanza Mission Base, South Africa

When: October 3 - December 15

Why: Because this is the assignment I believe the Lord is calling me to! Alabanza is hosting the training part of Adventures in Missions’ First Year Missionary (FYM) program. As part of the Alabanza staff, I will help provide for the daily physical needs (cooking, cleaning, etc.) of the 75+ people living at the base, as well as offer encouragement, prayer, and support to the 50+ FYMs who will be undergoing an intense 3 months of training. I know firsthand some of the adjustments and challenges they may face, as it was only a year ago that I was in the same program myself!

I may also have the opportunity to accompany the FYM students on outreaches in nearby communities/countries. I am especially hoping for the opportunity to serve at an abandoned babies home in Johannesburg (there is actually a babies home being built right on the Alabanza base, although I am not sure what stage of construction it is in.)

Although it will be difficult to be so far from home again, I feel an assurance that I am walking where the Lord wants me to. An ongoing lesson this past year has been that no matter how far away from friends and family I am, no matter how alone I feel, and no matter what trials and challenges I face, “I CAN do all things through Christ who strengthens me” – and I can do it victoriously. He is my strength.

My needs: I need to be covered in prayer as I am once again about to enter the heat of the battle. Pray that the Lord would continue to prepare me physically, mentally, and spiritually for all that this assignment will entail. Truly I covet your prayers. I also need to raise about $2,000 to cover my expenses, most of which I am hoping to raise before I leave on Oct. 3.

I love you all so much, and am so very, very grateful for your covering of prayer, your financial generosity, and your love, encouragement, and support. God bless!

Leaving soon!

2007-09-13T11:52:00.001-07:00

Well, I bought my ticket a few days ago. I'll be heading back to South Africa for my next assignment on Oct. 3. More details coming soon!

Dean

2007-08-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

Please remember to pray for the people of Jamaica (and elsewhere) as they recover from Hurricane Dean.

Resting

2007-08-21T08:05:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone! I have been home in Indiana for 2 weeks now and am feeling much more rested and refreshed after the busy summer (and year!). As far as future plans, I am in the process of trying to get in touch with my South African contacts...we are having a bit of trouble connecting. Please pray that we connect soon and can clearly communicate through our limited means!

More pics!

2007-08-09T09:52:00.000-07:00

Kevin and Sam, South Africans we met in Jamaica - they were such a HUGE blessing to me and to our team; O'dean, SOS Village...one of the cutest kids ever!!

The Harshbarger crew building desks and tutoring at Salter's Hill School

Nishka, Salter's Hill School

Bobsled Cafe & Toni becoming "Jamerican"!

Melody House girls serving with us at Blessed Assurance Children's Home; working on the literacy center

Fourth of July & new friendships

Our team at Dunn's River Falls in Ocho Rois & the effects of a busy, busy summer!

Home, Sweet, Home, and "Thank you!"

2007-08-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that I arrived safely back in Indiana yesterday evening. I am taking a week off now to rest, restore, and process this summer (and even the past year of mission work). I will talk to you all soon.

Thank you again for all of your prayers and support these past few months; I don't know how to express my appreciation to each and every one of you for your care, love, prayers, encouragement, and generosity. How I need each of you - the Body - SO desperately in my life. You are His eyes, hands, mouths and hearts in my life. Thank you, and may God richly bless you by drawing you into a closer relationship with Him. I love you all so much.

P.S. I will let you know about future plans as soon as I have sought the Lord and made those decisions.

Only through Him

2007-08-06T08:29:00.000-07:00

Melody House Party!

Toni created a beautiful pinata, most of the girl's first experience with one...Aunt Clair couldn't even resist taking a few swings!!

The girls LOVE to dance!

Sorry it's been awhile since you last heard from me! The last two weeks have been extremely busy as we have been busy packing, debriefing, finishing projects, and saying goodbyes. As always, it has been a time of mixed emotions: excitement to see loved ones at home (and relief that we finished the race), as well as sadness to leave a land and people that we have come to know and love.

Wednesday, we threw a big party at the Melody House to celebrate the awesome summer we'd had with the girls. The house mother Aunt Clair cooked some delicious Jamaican specialities such as stewed chicken, fried breadfruit, and fresh coconut pudding, and we pitched in with a yummy baked ziti. After that, we played tons of games including a dance-off; a water balloon toss followed by a surprise water balloon attack/war from the guys; a game where teams had to try to catch chunks of banana covered in peanut butter and syrup in their mouths...it was messy, delightful fun for all! After that we took turns swinging at a beautiful pinata that Toni had made...it was most of the girls first time with a pinata and even Aunt Clair and Aunt Jean, the house mothers, couldn't resist taking some swings at it! The day ended with an ice cream sundae party (7 toppings!!), dancing, and lots of thank you's, goodbye's, and tears.

My heart was hugely encouraged when several of the girls said that they most appreciated the Bible studies we had done with them, that they had learned a lot and would walk more closely with God because of the Word that was planted. My heart is so thankful to Jesus for those moments when He allows us to see a little fruit or growth from the seeds we have labored to sow day after day, because most often we are called to just trust in faith that the seeds we plant are not in vain. I give all the glory to God for a summer that we could not have done without Him; any good that was accomplished, any seeds that were planted, any change and growth in ourselves or others - it was only through the power and annointing of His presence, His blood, and the cross. Once again, I am left with that feeling of astonishment and surprise that He chooses ordinary, messed up people with a "yes" in their hearts to accomplish His work. What is He calling you to?

Art Camp!

2007-07-24T17:36:00.000-07:00

Last week, we served 3 days at SOS Children's Village, home to about 100 children ages 3-17. In the mornings, we helped an awesome mission team from Delaware with their "JAM Camp," a two-week long program of language arts, crafts, Physical Education, and music classes for the children. This awesome team made us feel SO welcome and we had a wonderful time working alongside them! Then during the afternoons, our TREK team put on an "art camp" for the 4- and 5-year-olds...they were absolutely darling! We taught them a Christian version of the Chicken Dance song, made homemade play-dough for them to "sculpt" :), and Toni, our resident artist, created a Bible Lesson storybook to read to the children every day. I wish you could see the books she wrote and illustrated; they are amazing!!! I thoroughly enjoyed working with the little ones...it was definitely one of my biggest highlights of the summer!!

This week, we are finishing up our last full week of ministry, and spending as much time as we can with the Melody House girls. We can hardly believe our time here is coming to an end.

Act Right, Treat Me Right

2007-07-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

This poem was written by 15-year-old "Radisha," one of the girls we have been working with all summer at the Melody House, a home for abused girls.

Act Right, Treat Me Right

Every little child is born with rights

Don't let anyone put you in a fright

No body burns, No big licks

No bad words & No hard kicks

Every little child should be happy at home

Not left alone to wander and roam

No loud shouting, No hurtful names

No funny touching & No secret games

Every little child should be in school

Each day learning the Golden Rule

No begging on the street, No using drugs

No working at night & No night clubs

Every little child should be treated well

If you trouble me, I will tell

I won't let you put me in a fright

Do act right, Do treat me right!!

Columbus Community Church Team

2007-07-10T11:43:00.000-07:00

~ God opened the doors for us to do 3 mornings of VBS at Salter’s Hill school even though school was still in session. The team did a wonderful job, the children had a great time, and best of all, several children made decisions to follow Christ!!! We also continued work on the Reading Room.

~ We spent several afternoons working on the Literacy Center at New Irwin Moravian Church. The outside is nearly finished and we plan to continue work on the inside for the remainder of the summer. The building has been under construction for about a year now and the goal is to have it ready for classes in September. They will teach illiterate young people (who did not pass the test required to enter high school and therefore have no diploma or trade skills) to read and write so that they can enroll in a trade school. Over 60 young people have already applied to the literacy center for classes this fall.

Working on the Literacy Center with the Melody Girls

~ The team was blessed to spend a lot of time with the Melody House girls throughout the week. Sunday afternoon, the team pampered the girls with manicures, pedicures, and “makeovers” to break the ice and show them in a practical way that they are valuable. Thursday morning, Siv from the Columbus team led an awesome Bible study that God used to break down walls in some of the girl’s hearts. Several of them opened up about their lives/stories, a huge step forward as most of the girls are very shut down and untrusting due to the trauma and abuse they’ve experienced. God also opened the doors for the Melody House girls to serve alongside the team for two days, something the interns were very excited about as we had been wanting to get them out to serve with us from the beginning! We also built some netball goals for Melody (similar to basketball and a favorite with Jamaican girls).

CCC with Melody House Girls and new netball goals

New Beginnings Christian Fellowship Team!

2007-07-10T11:40:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven’t blogged for awhile…it’s been very, very busy lately, as church teams have been serving with us for the past two weeks. My home church, New Beginnings Christian Fellowship, was here from June 24 – July 1, and a group from Columbus Community Church served with us from June 30 – July 7. Both were wonderful teams and God did a lot through their willing hands and hearts. Here are some highlights:

NBCF Team and new soccer goals
at Copse Boy's Home

~ We served at Copse Boy’s Home for 4 days doing devotions, Bible studies, and “Football” (soccer) camp; we also built them some permanent soccer goals. Copse is home to 50 boys ages 7-17, and is a difficult place to work as the boys fight all day, and the home itself is abusive and dysfunctional. Despite the challenges, we had a good time with the boys, and it was awesome to see some of them soften and open up a little bit as the week progressed (several of them asked if we could get them a Bible!). It was especially good to see that because we were there, some of the boys, especially the little ones, felt safe enough to let their guards down, even if just for a little while; of course, it was also heartbreaking to acknowledge that they live in such an unsafe place that they have to have their guards up in the first place. Overall, we left Copse knowing that we had planted a lot of seeds, and trusting that someday those seeds will produce a harvest

~ We volunteered for 4 days at Westhaven, a home for about 100 physically and mentally disabled children. Most of our time there was spent singing with the kids, holding them, and basically just loving on them as the majority of them cannot communicate. Some were ecstatic to be pushed (raced) around outside in their wheelchairs. I especially fell in love with a girl of 19 named Peter-Gay. She cannot speak clearly but understands most anything you say. She is a delightful young lady who always has a smile on her face and who never tires of being pushed around in her wheelchair. We have become good friends, and her huge smile and cheers of excitement when she sees me make what I do worthwhile. We are also rejoicing that a teen named Marlin, who has no legs and is therefore confined to a wheelchair, but who is mentally very bright and sound, made a decision for Christ. Marlin’s salvation reminded me of God’s amazing, deep love for every individual person, even the handicapped and disfigured ones that society discards as useless. His heart is that not even ONE should be lost.

~ We spent one day at Salter’s Hill, a small, underprivileged Baptist school way out in the sticks. We built 4 computer desks and continued working on the “Reading Room.”

Jamaican Tidbits!

2007-07-10T11:30:00.000-07:00

Hi, everyone!! Ya cris? (Are you good?) I am thoroughly enjoying learning Patois…it is quite fun surprising people with some of their own phrases. Here are some of my favorites (spelled phonetically and therefore incorrectly) and their rough translations:

Wa gwaan? (What’s going on?)

Not na gwaan. (Nothing’s going on)

Mi belly fool! (I’m full)

Mi a ded fi ongry (I am dead of hunger!)

Ya ow much? (How old are you?)

Way ya do? (What are you doing?)

Wa yu nem? (What’s your name?)

Me nem Leah. (My name is Leah)

Hush, hush. Top de bali-bali (Stop the crying [bawling])

What a Week!

2007-06-22T15:13:00.001-07:00

Wa gwaan?!? (What’s going on?) I’m OK. A little overwhelmed at the moment, and unsure where to begin. Last week was full of surprises, decisions, and intense emotion. Thursday, we went to Mandeville so Zared could gather information about a house a US church is building for a Jamaican man and his family. While we were there, we briefly visited some young guys I knew from 2 years ago when we served at Mt. Olivet Boys Home. I mainly wanted to see my friend Josh Mitchell, but there turned out to be 5 guys who work in the lumber yard with him that we had lunch with during their break. On the way home, my team talked about how Josh seemed upset/distracted. So I called him that night when I got home and talked to him for a long time. Here’s his story.

His father died. His mother left he and his little brother Daniel at a bus stop when Josh was 7. Said she was going to get food and never came back. Probably abandoned them because she couldn’t feed them, but no one knows for sure. Throughout his early life, he was moved around to different children’s homes, sometimes with his brother, sometimes separated. He finally ended up at Mt. Olivet where he lived for 11 years. At 18 years, the boys can no longer live at the home and therefore are mostly on their own to get a job and try to make their way in the world. No mom, no dad, no other family or resources or support. Plus the stigma that he’s a thief and a crook because he grew up in a children’s home.

Three months ago, Josh finally landed a job at a lumber yard, a respectable job here in Jamaica considering it’s something other than selling drugs or hawking something in the streets. Only problem: working 9 hours/day, 5 days/week, he gets paid an equivalent of $25 to $50 US dollars a week to manually load and unload bags of concrete all day (most he’s unloaded in one day? 1,500 bags). Of course he hates this job but there aren’t a lot of other options right now (“it feels like slavery, but I know I have to just hang on for now”). So he has begun to save a tiny bit of money each week to go to a trade school so that he can eventually get a different job. The only glitch with this plan is that after paying rent and such, there’s not enough left to both eat and save money, and so he chooses to save. And hardly eats.

That’s the life of Josh Mitchell. And so after many tears and lots of prayer, we decided to clear our schedule and head back to Mandeville the next day to spend the weekend blessing Josh. Then God worked everything out for us to be able to bring him back to Montego Bay with us for the week where he has joined our team and is serving alongside us at the children’s homes we’re working in (which is one of his dreams: to encourage and help “my brothers and sisters” who are still living in children’s homes).

It has been somewhat of an eye-opening/challenging experience for us to work with Josh as the fact that he grew up in an institution becomes more evident the more time we spend with him. In many ways, especially socially, he lacks the “basics” that most of us learn early on through family, school, and work: conversation and interacting with people; teamwork and looking out for someone other than himself; confidence. The orphanage was his world since age 7, a “survival,” every-man-for-himself world where few if any could be trusted; growing up in that environment continues to deeply affect the Josh we know today.

My heart continues to break for this island and its people.

Heavy Stuff

2007-06-22T15:11:00.000-07:00

“If my people will humble themselves and pray, and turn from their wicked ways…”

Jamaica is breaking my heart. Coming here this summer, I naively thought that I had a pretty good grasp of the Jamaican culture, this being my 4th time on the island. I was pretty much completely wrong. My previous times here, I lived and served in Mandeville, a quiet, wealthy mountain town. This year we are living in Montego Bay, a coastal, tourist city known for its night life…and it is completely different from Mandeville. We live on a mission base right off what is known as the “Hip Strip” (i.e. the party zone). Drugs and the sex trade are rampant here. Literally, I have not yet walked anywhere along the Strip without being propositioned and offered drugs multiple times, as well as passing scores of hungry and drugged up people. You see people clutching their rum bottles all hours of the day and night, but especially throughout the “weekend,” which here in Jamaica means Thursday through Sunday.

Like America, Jamaica calls itself a Christian nation, with 80% of Jamaicans claiming Christianity. You know what else in Jamaica is 80%? The number of children born out of wedlock. Yes, you heard me right. Eighty percent of children in Jamaica are born out of wedlock. Something’s not adding up here, huh? These past 2 weeks, I have been getting a much clearer picture of why there are such a tremendous number of kids in children’s homes for such a small island: Dad has children with multiple women because that’s how the average Jamaican male does things and is not a part of raising the children. Add extreme poverty and a 25% unemployment rate on top of that and most moms can’t make ends meet (even those who have what seems to be a decent job don’t get paid enough to provide for themselves, much less for children). All this equals a ton of suffering people, especially the children, who don’t have a say in any of this (until they grow up and repeat the cycle).

God is really opening my eyes to the massive need in this country, and to be honest, it’s very overwhelming right now. God help them; God help us. I would greatly appreciate your prayers for the people in Jamaica who are impoverished, desperate, bound up in sin and lies, and who are destroying themselves; and for my team, whom God has chosen to be His truth and light in this dark area.

By the way, we have also met some incredible Jamaican men and women who have a faith and trust in God that blows my mind, some of the most welcoming, caring, hard-working, God-serving people I’ve ever met. Please pray for them, too, that they would continue to stand strong in the faith and be able to reach their countrymen with the truth of the Good News.

We Need Your Help!!!

2007-06-11T16:03:00.000-07:00

Now that we have a good idea of how and where we’ll be serving this summer, we are realizing that a lot of the supplies we need are unavailable here in Jamaica. We need your help to gather the supplies we’ll need for the summer! I have made a supplies list, noted which home the supplies are for, and given a brief description of each home. If you are willing to help purchase any of these supplies, here are the steps you need to take:

1). Contact Brooke with TREK Missions and let her know you would like to help (she will be keeping track of who’s buying what). 812-490-9378 brookewest@sigecom.net

2). Buy the supplies and get them to Daryn and Brooke no later than June 22 so that he can bring them down to us: TREK Mission Programs, 727 Oleander Lane, Evansville, IN 47712

If you’d rather, another important way to help is to make a donation towards the purchase of these supplies (and others we need that are available here in Jamaica). Make checks out to Trek Mission Programs and mail to the above address; include a note that the funds are to be used towards “Summer Intern project supplies”.

Thanks SO much for your continued help in making an impact for the Kingdom in Jamaica! You all rock my world!!!

Supplies Lists:

Melody House girls:
12-14 t-shirts, adult sizes (mostly smalls, a few mediums, and one large)
Fabric paint to decorate the t-shirts (they’d love the glittery ones!)
12-14 cheap wooden picture frames we can decorate
Fake jewels for picture frames
1 Package of “plastic” sheets that can be decorated, cut into shapes, and then harden when baked 1 roll green floral tape
1 bottle of “Mod Podge” (decoupage paste) to make journals for girls
50 sheets cardstock, variety of light colors

SOS art camp:
Cardstock!! 100 sheets, white
Tempra paint, at least 2 bottles each of blue, red, yellow
Fun, bright stickers
2-3 cans Cream of Tartar (in the baking aisle) to make homemade Play-dough

Westhaven Children’s Home:
2 sets of flashcards: one with ABC’s and one with pictures of basic objects
CD of children’s songs, preferably with a danceable beat

Most of these supplies can be found at Hobby Lobby; some at Wal-Mart or a teacher supply store

Melody House: This home is a refuge for teenage girls who have been raped or suffered other sexual or physical abuse. The director especially wants us to help prepare the girls to enter school this fall, some of whom have been out of school for anywhere from 6 months to 2 years because of their situations. We girls are VERY excited to begin to tutor and disciple the young ladies here. We are planning to go there several times a week throughout the summer, teaching the girls academically, spiritually, and basically just pouring into them. While we’re with the young ladies, Zared-the-handyman will be busy fixing up the house and property.

SOS Children’s Home: Children’s homes all around the world; children stay in cotteges in groups of 7-10 with a house mother who cares for them like her own. 97 children ages 2-15, but most 3-6 years of age. From first impressions, I am extremely impressed with the way this home is run…actually seems like the best-run children’s home I’ve ever seen. It is less of an institution and more of a family atmosphere than any I’ve ever seen. We are planning to do a week-long art camp there in July.

Westhaven Children’s Home: 83 “children” ages 4-31 live at this home. All are mentally disabled and most are physically disabled as well. Because the staff here has their hands full caring for the children’s basic needs (food, bathes, etc), the children hardly receive any schooling, although many have the potential to learn at least the basics (ABC’s, basic words, etc.) and possibly more…this is what we want to help with!

Can't e-mail too much

2007-06-11T15:39:00.000-07:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that I will not be able to e-mail much at all while I am down here because the cost to e-mail is outrageous. Therefore, letters or phone calls are best. Rather than e-mailing, if you want to get in touch with me, your best bet would be to get a phone card from Target/Wal-mart, call me in the evening, and then I can call you back free of charge. (The base where we stay has Vonage and we have paid a flat rate per month to use that instead of having to buy outrageously expensive phone cards…one more thing God has blessed us with!!)

Prayer Requests

2007-06-11T15:37:00.000-07:00

Please pray…

…for me to have the ability through Christ to make wise daily decisions and to lead my team with excellence in all aspects– physically and spiritually, in ministry, etc.; for strength to persevere even when we’re exhausted, as our days are very full; and that I would trust that God has given/will continue to give me all I need for this task.

…for the hearts of the people and children we come into contact with daily whether in schools, children’s homes, or on the streets, that their hearts will be soft and open and that we will be able to reach them with His love.

…that in all the busyness that I would not neglect my personal intimate time with Jesus and that I would be able to focus during that time and not let Satan distract me with the schedule for the day, the things I need to get done, etc.

Thanks for your prayers…You all are the best!!!

Excited to start our projects!

2007-06-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

I wanted to tell you all a little more about some of the exciting projects we are going to be working on. Tuesday morning, we visited a tiny country school way up the mountain "in the sticks" called Salter's Hill. It is a K-9 Baptist school begun by missionaries many years ago and then turned over to the locals to maintain. It is still a strongly Christian school, but very, very run-down because they lost much of their funding when the founding missionaries left. Ms. Frey, who has been the principal there for 20 years, is excited for us to continue work on the "reading room" that a previous TREK team began renovating not long ago. She said, "I told Daryn,'This room is your room'." Tuesday we will conduct the daily devotion for the kids in the morning, then begin painting some murals that Toni sketched and re-painting some shelves while the kids are in class (Jamaican schools are in session through the first week in July). During lunch break and after school we will interact with the children at the school. We have plans to also build some computer desks there and possibly some kitchen cabinets for them. All of us are very excited about working with the wonderful staff and children at this school!

Safely in Mo-Bay!!

2007-06-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry it's taken me a bit to let you all know that we have arrived safely. I tried twice to post a blog from the computer at our base, but for some reason the computer wouldn't let me. The four of us arrived safely at our base in Montego Bay on Sunday evening. Monday we settled in, exchanged money, bought groceries, etc., and for the last three days we have had appointments with 7 different schools, children's homes, and ministries to see how we can be of service to them this summer. We have found a TON of exciting opportunities. For the rest of this week, we have several more appointments with ministries/children's homes, and we are also preparing materials and lessons for the projects we'll begin next week.

A bit about my team: Toni is 21 and from Missouri. She is studying art and will be a junior in college this fall. She has a bubbly personality and a wonderful, positive attitude.

Callie is also from Missouri and will be a junior this fall studying psychology. She has a lot of experience working with children and a sweet, gentle spirit.

Zared is originally from Texas but has lived in Hawaii as a construction contractor for the past two years. He is the ultimate construction/handyman and looks out for us girls.

And me! I have an awesome, AWESOME team and am looking forward to all the exciting things God has for us this summer!

Coming together!

2007-05-31T15:04:00.000-07:00

I am so excited! Until this morning, the plan for transportation in Jamaica was to call a certain bus driver every time we needed to go somewhere, which would be multiple times a day to get to all our different ministry locations, not to mention grocery shopping, running errands, etc. To say the least, having to depend on the driver's availability for our transportation would have been quite a hassle and headache, and would have made every day 5x more complicated. Well, this morning Daryn called me and said that another ministry in Jamaica has agreed to let us rent their van for the summer. I was jumping up and down with excitement and relief!!! PRAISE JESUS!!!!!!!! I had just been praying about this issue yesterday, too, and God answered so quickly and wonderfully!

Making Peace with God

2007-05-31T15:00:00.000-07:00

I wrote this a few months ago. Some of you have already read it, but I wanted to post it here for those of you who haven't.

So much of the past 6 months has been a heightened period of struggle to make peace with God over mom’s death almost 6 years ago (and the deaths of two other family members that closely followed). For all these years, the cry of agony from my heart has been an angry, broken, pain-filled “Why!?!” Why did she suffer, why didn’t you heal her, and why did you allow these tragedies – and this pain -- into my life? Beneath the “why’s”, however, have been questions of God’s character: do you care, God, because if you did, then why didn’t you intervene???
I have been looking for, asking for, demanding answers from God.

But I am coming to realize that some things don’t have answers beyond the explanation that we live in a sin-filled, broken world. Cancer happens. Abuse happens. Not to mention rape, famine, miscarriage, accidents. And people suffer; and people die (or, for those who have a relationship with Christ, we don’t die, but pass from life…to life…a profoundly beautiful truth that I am just beginning to grasp).

In addition, even when a tragedy has some sort of partial answer, it really doesn’t help much. Our logical minds tend to think that answers will redeem us, that if we can just understand why, then our hearts will be at peace again. The truth, though, is that answers do little in the face of loss, for the simple reason that answers can’t take away the pain. Nor can they heal a broken heart, or restore one’s faith in God. Only one thing can bring healing:

Trust
in
Jesus Christ.

Healing comes when I choose to trust His character, in spite of how things feel, and in spite of NOT understanding. One of my good friends recently told me, “Don’t think about what you don’t know and don’t understand.” At first, I thought this was a cop-out. But in regards to faith, I think she’s right. You see, constantly meditating on questions that don’t have answers feeds doubt and erodes faith. As for myself,

I have come to a crossroads.

I can continue to be tossed about in the waves of endless “why’s”, or I can choose to have faith that no matter what has happened, and no matter how things seem, that

He is all love;
His heart is good;
And He is for me, not against me.

I am still in this process for sure, making peace with God. And my guess is that some of you are in this place, as well. My advice? Cry, scream, rail…do whatever you need to do to get it all out, the anger and pain. Ask all the “why’s” that are in your heart. You must.

But also choose to believe that despite all that has happened, He loves you more than you can imagine. Choose to trust Him, especially when the pain comes again to rip your heart in two. Because He does care. Immensely.

You are precious, and more loved than you’ll ever know. Your life matters. Your story matters. We’re on this journey together…

...And we're off (again)!

2007-05-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

My time at home has flown by! It has been extremely busy, but wonderful to see some familiar faces as well. I travel with Brooke, Daryn, and crew to St. Louis on Saturday to meet Callie and Toni, and we leave early Sunday morning for Jamaica. I can't wait to get to Jamaica and start serving!

I still have about $2600 that I need to raise to cover my costs for the summer. If you would like to continue to support me financially, please send checks to TREK Mission Programs, 727 Oleander Lane, Evansville, IN 47712. Please make checks out to TREK Mission Programs and include a note with my name on it to designate the funds to me; these donations are tax deductible. Support can be sent to TREK through December of this year, as I will be raising support through TREK to return to South Africa from Sept.-Dec, as well.

Thanks again for your continued prayers, encouragement, and support! I couldn't continue in what I'm doing without you all, my team!